My life with depression

When i was young i got raped by my own cousin. he was someone i thought i could trust but turns out he just wanted me. he was 11 and i was about 5. we would play hide and seek with some neighborhood friends and he would always touch my butt and say it looks nice. I started developing anxiety at that age and begin to think about suicide thoughts. my parents started fighting a lot more often but little me just thought it was just over a small thing and they were being dramatic. although i did hear my mom say something about another lady and to go with her but i thought nothing of it. When i started elementary school i started having thought about my body and starting hating it. my family would also make fun of me and say that i eat to much and saying oh no wonder she doesn't fit in that and I just laughed it of but deep down i knew it hurt so much. my last year of elementary school i had an eating disorder and that went on for two years. in grade six i found out about self harm then i started doing it because i felt like i deserved it and my parents started fighting even more. In grade i found out my father was heatig on my mom and that i had a social worker because i had a "mental illness" but i met this boy he was a year older then me but we were still around the same age i fell in love with him and he fell in love with me. i had my first kiss with him and i also went on a couple dates wit him and made out couple times but me and him. He was my saver from killing myself i felt so safe with him. but at home i hated it my dad would always slap me and hit me and i just hated my parents so much and i would always think about killing myself but i tried so many times already but they all failed. I also had a hard time making friends because they all thought i was weird and didn't like me so i always got left out of groups but i am trying my hardest and no one cares about me.