a vent kinda drama I guess.
i used to be straight I think that’s how some of us lgbtq+ people started. but basically I fell for a straight girl, worst thing ever seriously. At that time when I started liking her I had no contact with her what so ever, like none at all we would pass each other at school like we didn’t know each other even though I had feelings for her. To this present day I talk to her through text, but I just don’t get her, one day she’s all affectionate towards me then the next she’s all distant, doesn’t text me for days and I try my best to act like I don’t care but I’ve grown a little attached to her that I always check my phone for every message I receive hoping it’s her. I started detaching myself from her awhile ago but we started talking again, and I have these feelings towards her again. I respect her a lot and never say stuff that makes her feel uncomfortable besides compliment her calling her beautiful, etc. A couple of weeks ago we started talking about meeting each other’s parents, her coming over and sleeping over, we would talk almost all day on the phone. I’m a very nonchalant person I don’t really show affection because it scares me opening up to people, and showing love and affection and I guess it’s because I never really received it growing up. But one day she asked me to share location with her and I avoided her and I guess she got mad over that and she started being distant, dry texting and we stopped texting for weeks. We recently started talking again. My friends would point out that every time I would post stuff on my Instagram about other girls like for example a couple of days I posted a screenshot of this girl like heavy complimenting me and she said something inappropriate about me lol, and I noticed she had viewed My story and 5 seconds later she posted on her story “Fine ppl hmu, I need hoes” one of my friends thought she did this out of jealousy because of what I posted but I’m not sure. Or another thing is there’s this girl that likes me and yesterday we had a smoke sesh together and she posted on her story a picture of us smoking together in her room, and the straight girl let’s call her A. So A saw that story and minutes later she texted me screenshots of people in her dms like complimenting her, and basically just dickriding her yk? And yeah I did get jealous because I like her but she just doesn’t know it or that’s what I think, and since that days she’s been showing me those screenshots of her hoes, or she would say stuff like “I miss my ex” etc. and ofc I get jealous and I try my best to ignore it but it’s hard. She’s so bipolar. one day she loves me, and tells me it then the next she’s acting all distant and petty. And she hurts me a lot emotionally. And trust me I try to move on from her and try to look for someone and sometimes I do but I always try to look for her in them. she’s the girl that changed my sexuality, it’s a big thing you know. It just sucks a straight girl? come on. it should’ve been someone that wasn’t straight bro but it had to be a straight girl. I can’t even listen to cigarettes after sex anymore because it reminds me of her and I start tearing up. I hate this I don’t know what to do. No matter what every time I try to forget about her, and move on it’s so hard. I love her so much, and I just want to love her and take care of her, but I also hate her for making me feel this way. I’m sorry for the long paragraph btw. I don’t know what to do.
