I'm not mentally okay and i need help

I hate myself.
i literally hurt myself and whenever i look for help i get attacked saying I'm an attention seeker and at this point the only thing preventing me from killing myself is my actually supportive friends on discord and yet i seem to get jealous of their own personal lives, and i feel i'll never be in a relationship because of how shitty my personality is and i feel too needy to deserve anyone anyway.
please tell me if you relate.
i need a reason to stop s//f h/////g myself.