why do I feel useless

so I was abused growing up, it all started when I was 7. I don’t remember why my mother hit me but I remember I was only 7. I’ve been abused literally all my life and I didn’t have the best childhood. my dad and mom would always fight and my mother would take her anger out on me, as a muslim it was also hard learning about islam cause I was too afraid to ask my mom or grandma cause I thought it was embarrassing. and now I’m barely even a teenager and I have depression and anxiety and I’ve even had suicidal thoughts and I tried to end my life. these thoughts have been going for 4 years now. It won’t stop, I just need someone to talk to and that they understand what I’m going through. life isn’t easy, being a child isn’t easy. please help me.