Lol just a vent🤷🏽♀️
Hello, I'm Noah. I have a lot to say. And I kinda just want to get some advice on what to do and want to feel heard. First, let me start off by saying I lived in foster care and was taken away at birth and put in foster care. When I moved I was abused by my foster “mother” and sexually assaulted by my foster “father” so I have trust issues and never had a real mother or father figure my whole life. After they were caught I moved to another home but there were other kids. The place was called “the cottages” it wasn't really fun there. I felt as if I had to act mature because nobody would like me if I was “childish” I was scared to be hated and I had so much trauma on my shoulders. I stayed there for 5 years. Watched all my friends leave and never call after they promised to. I started to lose hope. And felt like I was never going to leave that place.
But I have 3 cousins that were with me through all. Their names are s (now 11) i (now 17) b (now 22) so anyways I moved to where i and s were I was so happy I couldn't sleep that night. I met Tracy and felt as if she was the one that would truly care and love me. And I was right. She was a sweet, outgoing, confident, and kind-hearted person. She wasn't afraid to speak up about things. Life seemed almost perfect. Until she fell sick. She was in the hospital and I started drawing for her and I was in my room playing Roblox and remember I was just finishing up a drawing for her until I heard my name being called so I went out. Not knowing what would leave me crying. They told me she passed away. I felt as I someone ripped my heart out and smiled. I first thought they were joking. I thought it was all a cruel joke. Until Carrie started crying. I didn't want to believe that Tracy was gone forever. I wanted her to come through that door. I couldn't do anything but cry. Please also remember that I have a fear of zombies. It is so bad to the point I think they're coming for me and my family. So anytime they would happen I would run to Tracy she would hug me and comfort me until the sun would rise. So she passed away and my mental health went downhill. I moved from there to where I am now, I bottle up my feelings a lot. And self-harm. The only thing I have to live is s. But since I argued with my old foster father all visits with s were canceled. I had no reason to keep going. I felt as I nobody understood how important s were to me. They were the only thing I had left. So I tried to jump. But I was caught but I don't know what to do. I'm so paranoid about zombies eating my family and s. I feel so stuck like there I no other options. I need help. But who should I ask? What's the point? It's all too much. I miss my mom so much. Gosh I must sound childish huh?
But I have 3 cousins that were with me through all. Their names are s (now 11) i (now 17) b (now 22) so anyways I moved to where i and s were I was so happy I couldn't sleep that night. I met Tracy and felt as if she was the one that would truly care and love me. And I was right. She was a sweet, outgoing, confident, and kind-hearted person. She wasn't afraid to speak up about things. Life seemed almost perfect. Until she fell sick. She was in the hospital and I started drawing for her and I was in my room playing Roblox and remember I was just finishing up a drawing for her until I heard my name being called so I went out. Not knowing what would leave me crying. They told me she passed away. I felt as I someone ripped my heart out and smiled. I first thought they were joking. I thought it was all a cruel joke. Until Carrie started crying. I didn't want to believe that Tracy was gone forever. I wanted her to come through that door. I couldn't do anything but cry. Please also remember that I have a fear of zombies. It is so bad to the point I think they're coming for me and my family. So anytime they would happen I would run to Tracy she would hug me and comfort me until the sun would rise. So she passed away and my mental health went downhill. I moved from there to where I am now, I bottle up my feelings a lot. And self-harm. The only thing I have to live is s. But since I argued with my old foster father all visits with s were canceled. I had no reason to keep going. I felt as I nobody understood how important s were to me. They were the only thing I had left. So I tried to jump. But I was caught but I don't know what to do. I'm so paranoid about zombies eating my family and s. I feel so stuck like there I no other options. I need help. But who should I ask? What's the point? It's all too much. I miss my mom so much. Gosh I must sound childish huh?
