Maybe it does get better

Well hello! My name is Mary and im about to share my life story. Im currently 13 and im already suffering with problems. Everything started when i was only 2. I was adopted by one family, and i still dont know who are my biological parents. I started going to daycare and there was one boy who liked me. But everytime during the nap (this will sound funny and like a joke) he would make me please him "down there" even tho i didnt want to...so ig that was sort of sexual abuse ig. Then when i turned 6, i was adopted by another family and we moved to another city. When i started going to school i started being bullied by one guy from my class. He would call me names and abuse me in physycal way. It all finally ended until last year. I forgot to say that my uncle died prob 4 yrs ago... anyway, last year my grandma died and it kinda hits me hard these days. She literally was hiding all my secrets and she was always better mother then my current mum. Also last year i met one girl, and that was the day when i realized i was bi. We met online and i rlly fell for her. But i had to lie to my parents that it was a guy so i dont get into a trouble. We were texting often but we had argument and didnt talk for few months. i kind of felt that she was my soulmate and i still get that feeling. We had another argument in fabruary this year (we met on april last year) but after that argument she texted me two days ago and i was the happiest person. Now we are again close friends :D But the problem is that all of these months we havent talked, i met a guy, fell for him. But i feel like he was using me for nudes, every out conversition turns into dirty conversition (if u understand) he still has my phone number and havent taxted me in few days but ok....it kinda hits when i remember how he used to act before. Im just kinf of getting tired, i just wanna go to Nikki (the girl i was talking abt) she just feels like home. At least she never made me feel used....she prob broke my heart few times but i always forgive her, and she forgives me.... idk if she feels the same way man...living with homophobiv family, and generally with mother who is spending all day on pc, its exhausted....