I have literally no one to talk to or to trust.

So basically my relationship with my mom was always amazing but since I told her to buy certain clothes she doesn’t think is stylish she’s been blaming everything I do to my friends.And at first it was kind of true but when I thought about it my best friend got a glow up and got more friends not that there’s anything bad about that but I feel like she doesn’t want me to be her friend and to my other best friend(we’re a trio)I couldn’t even think about an telling her anything and the reason I try to get close friends is because I can’t open up to my parents cuz they say well is it my fault.And the only thing that I want to tell them sometimes is that I feel really judged nobody said anything or bullied me but I always felt like they just gossip behind my back and I’m technically the only one with this thinking that I know.And back to my parents they never ever even believe me anymore because I used to lie a bit and she keeps saying she would’ve rather had no child then me and she says this often like 6 times a week if not everyday and she’s saying that when I get hurt I shouldn’t go to her but my friends and even tho I couldn’t ever talk to her .And i just feel useless and worth less I’m not smart and I’m ugly so yk why should I even live and everyday I’m crying and I feel like I should kms but I’m Muslim so I would to straight to hell if not I would be dead a few weeks ago and I even started to do $h because nobody cares about me so why should I care about myself .and the thing is I’m only 13;(
Sorry bc of my English and grammar I know it bad