i hate myself

i hate the way i look, act, speak and everything. i feel like everyone is 100% better than me. even the biggest failures in the world, yk? i can't pass a day without telling myself how worthless i am. i cant get rid of the thoughts that are telling me that im stupid, useless, fat, ugly, not good enough, not enough in general. they just keep randomly appearing in my head. its not like im hearing voices or smth, its different. i also have random intruisive thoughts about doing something to myself. i even sometimes do it to punish myself for existing. i also tried ending it by suffocating myself like 3-4 times, it obviously didnt work. i just feel like i cant keep on living much longer with having to deal with basically bullying myself everyday. i just cant stop it. i dont hate anyone that much like i hate myself. ive tried everything, accepting myself, trying to love myself, all of this shit for it to even get worse. everytime i pass by a mirror i always cover my eyes for the thoughts to not repeat again. i just cant see anything good in myself while everyone else i know is a lot better than me. even the people i despise. how can i escape from my problems if my main problem is myself?????