I want to be normal

I’m having my fourth panic attack today and I can’t deal with it I have nobody to talk to and I’m hate it so much this is horrible I’m crying and I hate this I can’t breath well and have nobody to talk to and just want to be comforted. In reading I got stressed and had a panic attack my friend who was trying to calm me down and then this perosn stuck a post it note on the back of my blazer and then it said idiot and now I think I’m an idiot and I don’t belive anybody when they say I’m not an idiot I know I’m am I hate this so much. I want to be normal.