Why is this happening

Lately I’ve been having dreams that a either I’m about to vent to someone about something that happened in the dream, or something traumatic happens that brings me back to my childhood trauma. I would wake up feeling depressed and anxious. Then if I do vent to a friend or a family member over text or in person I feel guilty right after and have these thoughts that are like, ‘Why did you vent’ or ‘They think your annoying and want attention’. Which I keep telling myself that’s not true but that doesn’t work. I know I need to tell a close friend/family member about this but I can’t bring myself to do it. I just don’t want my mental worries on them. But the good part is that during school my friends would always hug me and tell me that’s it’s gonna be okay which helped with my anxiety and depression.