Feeling like I’m not enough. Long post/Vent
I recently moved to the US from Australia to be with my husband. I have no family or friends to talk to about my feelings, and the problem I’m facing is with my husband. I’m yet to tell him, but I will soon.
We’ve been together for 4.5 years, only been married 1.5 months. The other day I found out a year ago he was using Only Fans, and spent almost $300 on there over a 3-4 month span.
Finding this out hurt like hell. It’s made me crawl back into my shell, I feel so utterly self conscious and ugly. I feel useless and worthless. I wonder why he had to go to the lengths of paying to see photos and videos of other women, when he “had money problems” and also was getting photos from me. Just makes me feel stupid. Angry. He could’ve just watched porn for free, which he did anyways. And I don’t really have a problem with that, especially when we were long distance. But it changes when you sign up to a website, subscribe monthly to other women, and pay to unlock things. It’s more personal. I guess the only good thing is he didn’t physically cheat on me and wasn’t messaging anyone 🙄 yippee
The other day he was telling me how beautiful I am, but I can’t believe it right now. I feel like a joke. I guess it was obvious something was up because he was asking if I was okay and I just started crying, but I told him I was homesick because I can’t be bothered dealing with the drama.
I want to starve myself to lose weight, I want to go change everything about me because maybe that’ll make him want only me. I don’t know. I’m just feeling fragile and I have no one to go to. I moved all this way, spent thousands and thousands of dollars. Paid for us to stay in a hotel for weeks while we waited for our house to be ready. He does nothing for me. I feel like it could’ve been a mistake all this, but of course, he promises he’ll make everything up to me and he’ll treat me when he sorts his finances out. Yeah, right.
If you read this, thank you. Please be kind if you decide to comment, I know there’s different views on this type of thing, but I just came here to vent my thoughts and feelings. I don’t think I can handle strangers telling me I’m ugly and/or an idiot lol.
We’ve been together for 4.5 years, only been married 1.5 months. The other day I found out a year ago he was using Only Fans, and spent almost $300 on there over a 3-4 month span.
Finding this out hurt like hell. It’s made me crawl back into my shell, I feel so utterly self conscious and ugly. I feel useless and worthless. I wonder why he had to go to the lengths of paying to see photos and videos of other women, when he “had money problems” and also was getting photos from me. Just makes me feel stupid. Angry. He could’ve just watched porn for free, which he did anyways. And I don’t really have a problem with that, especially when we were long distance. But it changes when you sign up to a website, subscribe monthly to other women, and pay to unlock things. It’s more personal. I guess the only good thing is he didn’t physically cheat on me and wasn’t messaging anyone 🙄 yippee
The other day he was telling me how beautiful I am, but I can’t believe it right now. I feel like a joke. I guess it was obvious something was up because he was asking if I was okay and I just started crying, but I told him I was homesick because I can’t be bothered dealing with the drama.
I want to starve myself to lose weight, I want to go change everything about me because maybe that’ll make him want only me. I don’t know. I’m just feeling fragile and I have no one to go to. I moved all this way, spent thousands and thousands of dollars. Paid for us to stay in a hotel for weeks while we waited for our house to be ready. He does nothing for me. I feel like it could’ve been a mistake all this, but of course, he promises he’ll make everything up to me and he’ll treat me when he sorts his finances out. Yeah, right.
If you read this, thank you. Please be kind if you decide to comment, I know there’s different views on this type of thing, but I just came here to vent my thoughts and feelings. I don’t think I can handle strangers telling me I’m ugly and/or an idiot lol.
