im tired of having no reason to live at all
(me and my mum are fine and so is my dad so dont worry lmao its just the past! its been sorted out anyway so dont worry)
anyway
i lost all my friends. i hate being in secondary
i want to be young again.
no one actually cares about me except my family. I have only one actual friend.
i lost my bestest friend ever last night. i want to kms so badly but i just cant. my parents and sister wont go through it and im too scared. i dont know what to do. i feel guilty for venting to people. im still under 13. i feel awful. i told my ex bsf im sorry like 500 times and he still hates me. he says i treat him like shit but i dont. im bipolar and i cant help getting mood swings its so awful i feel so bad. I told him were not best friends and i tried forcing him to not be friends with his other best friend hes known for ages that i stopped being friends with. its just that shed said slurs she cant say and shes so rude to me and calls me petty for having mental problems.
its not fair shes so awful. i dont know what to do. i want to be a small kid again. im also an LGBTQ member and i often get made fun of for it. i also keep getting sexualised by random people and keep getting asked for my snap by over 16 year olds. i often wear crop tops or string tops with shorts because its my style and i get sexualised for it. i hate it so much. and people keep invalidating my childhood trauma and say its not that bad. its not a competition about how bad it is? TW:sh: and it was literally that bad i started cutting myself and pulling my hair out when i was 9. i used to get abused by my dad and mum. its been so bad. the police has come to my shared house so many times. my dad used to be a aggressive alcoholic and would tell me and my mum he hates us and slap us. once it got so bad my mum was hiding under a table scared for her life. and once he even tried stabbing someone. they are fine now. we finnally live in a house even though we have to pay rent and its not our own house but its fine as long as its not 3 mouldy little rooms with crackheads living above us. they became fine ever since we moved. its just that i hate school so much i skipped so much to the point the police had to be called. i always get made fun of and get given dirty looks and called emo. its bad to the point that i just want to run away forever. i was about to jump of this like airplane climbing thing so i could break a bone and temporarily not go school. my friends just always leave me. i just dont know what to do.
(if anyone read this all which i dont think, tysm it means a lot to me when even a stranger cares just a little bit<3)
anyway
i lost all my friends. i hate being in secondary
i want to be young again.
no one actually cares about me except my family. I have only one actual friend.
i lost my bestest friend ever last night. i want to kms so badly but i just cant. my parents and sister wont go through it and im too scared. i dont know what to do. i feel guilty for venting to people. im still under 13. i feel awful. i told my ex bsf im sorry like 500 times and he still hates me. he says i treat him like shit but i dont. im bipolar and i cant help getting mood swings its so awful i feel so bad. I told him were not best friends and i tried forcing him to not be friends with his other best friend hes known for ages that i stopped being friends with. its just that shed said slurs she cant say and shes so rude to me and calls me petty for having mental problems.
its not fair shes so awful. i dont know what to do. i want to be a small kid again. im also an LGBTQ member and i often get made fun of for it. i also keep getting sexualised by random people and keep getting asked for my snap by over 16 year olds. i often wear crop tops or string tops with shorts because its my style and i get sexualised for it. i hate it so much. and people keep invalidating my childhood trauma and say its not that bad. its not a competition about how bad it is? TW:sh: and it was literally that bad i started cutting myself and pulling my hair out when i was 9. i used to get abused by my dad and mum. its been so bad. the police has come to my shared house so many times. my dad used to be a aggressive alcoholic and would tell me and my mum he hates us and slap us. once it got so bad my mum was hiding under a table scared for her life. and once he even tried stabbing someone. they are fine now. we finnally live in a house even though we have to pay rent and its not our own house but its fine as long as its not 3 mouldy little rooms with crackheads living above us. they became fine ever since we moved. its just that i hate school so much i skipped so much to the point the police had to be called. i always get made fun of and get given dirty looks and called emo. its bad to the point that i just want to run away forever. i was about to jump of this like airplane climbing thing so i could break a bone and temporarily not go school. my friends just always leave me. i just dont know what to do.
(if anyone read this all which i dont think, tysm it means a lot to me when even a stranger cares just a little bit<3)
22-25, T
