Idk... need to let this out... maybe someone's answering for once

I... have a problem with alcohol... (the "I lost family members and friends to it" kind of problems)... and I have a girlfriend who had an alcohol problem before we got together... And she really cut the drinkinh down to only special nights and stuff.... today she out eating with her school since she's done with it... and she barely texts me today and when she does it's always a slighty bit more drunk... just a few minutes ago she almost couldn't get a comprehensible sentence together... and when I read it... my bodies first instincts where to completely puke me dinner back out.... now I'm sitting on the floor... my body feels like its breaking down from stress.... and I now I hate myself gor that... thatmy body and brain just doesn't want to let her have fun... for this one special night....