TW: overdose and suicide and SH

I'm here because I really to let it all out. I've spent the last hour or so crying hysterically while trying to be quiet because it's like midnight. After 2-3 years of poor mental health I've finally dragged myself from being suicidal into a state of mind where I want to live just not the way I am right now. However, over this time I have done things I am not proud of nor are healthy for me. I have overdosed more times than I can remember and self harmed where I now have what I'm suspecting permanent marks where I've done so. Now I lie in bed hoping I don't die of liver failure or something as I sleep because I want a future and I want to live as painful as it still as for me. After so much time with my only thoughts being I won't be here soon I'm starting to worry that it's true only now I don't wish it. I finally decided on a career after putting it off for 2 years I want to be a writer but with my laziness and procrastination I never get past the basic planning. If I am going to die young I just want to write one book that would make make at least one person happy it was written.