i hate feeling this way

I hate feeling this way. I want to get rid of this feeling forever, why can't I just be happy? why am I like this? why was I even born? I'm just a disappointment, I am not needed in this world. I hate this feeling so much, I want it to end. I can't handle the guilt anymore...please end my suffering I need it to end but what i did cannot be forgiven. I sometimes just want someone to beat me up till I'm on the brink of death. I want someone to beat me up so badly because of what I did to multiple people. I regret what i did, i really do.