Life a bit of a mess rn

I’ve had a very scary weekend that has pretty much set me off into a pretty severe “mood slump” let’s call it. At about 7pm on Sunday my dog managed to dislocate one of her spinal disks - I will never forget the howl of agony she made when it happened and how she was frantically dragging herself around the garden and shivering in shock. I keep getting nightmares of the scene it’s something I don’t think I’ll ever forget. Eventually after waiting in the emergency vet for about 4 hours we’re told she’s got an inflamed spine and all her muscles bellow her hips are paralysed. It was so shocking I didn’t even know how to react I couldn’t even look at her cause when she made eye contact with me I’d burst into tears. She’s already 9 and considering she’s a Labrador this injury will mostly likely cause permanent damage alongside a strict healing period of 6 months… what breaks my heart the most is how much her quality of life will change and I can’t help but wonder what if I treated her differently. What if I paid a little more attention to her? What if I played tug of war with her when she brought me a toy? What if I took her on longer walks? What if I cuddled her when she was sitting alone in her bed? I can’t help but hate myself for not letting her live to her fullest when she was able… now she’ll probably never have the muscles to play tug of war again or go fetch or swim in the sea… I can’t help but keep thinking this. Thankfully, It’s highly doubted that she’ll need surgery and she will eventually get movement and feeling back in legs but I keep remembering her liveliness not even 2 days ago and now all she could do that night in the vets waiting room was lie there and stare at me hopelessly, it’s terrifying how quickly a life can change in a matter of seconds. What’s more is the vet bills, painkiller meds, vet examinations and hydrotherapy adding up… it’ll probably be around £6000 by the end of it all. It’s not like my family are really struggling for money but it defo doesn’t help with rising inflation and me soon going off to uni, it just another thing to add to the pot of worries you know…And aswell going to school and keeping up appearances. I feel like mourning an animal - especially if you don’t have one - isnt seen as such a big deal to others and so I don’t want to be seen as miserable and over reactive to everyone. But at the same time I think pretending everything is okay will kill me even more. I’ve messaged my friends and told them what’s happened and yet I’ve still sugar coated it… maybe it’s partly me lying to myself that it isn’t as bad as it actually is and another part is that I don’t want to be seen as really down. But god do I. I haven’t stopped crying - not even for any particular reason but even just looking at a photo of her or a random memory of her sets me off. It’s not like she’s passed away… she’s conscious and alert just currently being held at the vet so maybe when she comes home it’ll help my mood… or would it make it even worse to have her infront of me I’m really not sure. I’m aware this is just a lot of nonsense talk but I really do feel like I’m spiralling. My dog is very much my rock and an emotional support aid and I feel like I’ve only now properly realised how precious she is to me after this. I miss her to points words cannot describe and I’m so anxious for what the next few months will bring and how it’ll affect her long term. I love her so much and I honestly just wish her comfort and reassurance she’s already been so brave I’m so proud of her truly.