I don't know what my next move is but it better be a good one.

This past month could've very easily been great. It had the potential to be a huge door opener. Honestly, it was quite the door opener. Only problem is that it opened a door to gang negative energy. I met some great people who potentially could've been in my life for quite some time. Unfortunately, that candle was blown out way too quickly. The real sucker punch is that all these people who so greatly impacted my life (even if it was for just 5 minutes) are still in great with each other and I'm the only one who feels like I've lost something. Now all my heart does is long for them and all my mind does is try to forget about them. I still don't how I managed to mess things up with all of them all at once. All of them including my best friend. I'm really tired of picking pieces that are better off left on the ground but I've convinced myself that it's the only way I can get closure (whether I fail or not). I'm on this crazy rollercoaster and everything feels right for ten minutes then it all disappears. It just drops. It falls right out of my control and I hold myself accountable. I don't know when my life became so messy. Whatever my next move is, it better be great.