I Need to Vent

I have a friend who I know won't give up on me easily but I'm confused because I haven't been exactly treating him the same way he treats me also nobody in offline life ever stayed friends with me this long.. I'm scared of showing the real me to him because he might not accept some of the choices I have made and I'm scared that once he finds out something he tries forcing his beliefs on me or try to say stuff to my family while thinking he's helping me.

I just wish it was easier to be honest about losing my faith in a Muslim society. My friend might have a few doubts but he doesn't know for sure and it isn't exactly sane to say everything at once, my family doesn't know anything and they shouldn't find out this way.

When I'm with him I simply sit in silence not sure what to say exactly while he shares the stuff he does in his life, all I feel is guilt for stopping to share stuff I do or my ideas or my thoughts with him. The fact that he comes into my place and interacts with my parents scares me that he could tell them something once he finds out, I also imagine how he would act like if he knew I been hiding my Atheism from him since 2013.. I feel like a bad friend but I'm just trying to be cautious and it's like I wish I was never exposed to the things that made me get out of Islam but at the same time I like how I'm not brainwashed anymore.