I Need Someone To Vent To

@xixgun Ah.
I thought about death again, but I still want to live because I want to do fun and crazy stuff in my life. I don't have any friends, I have people I know but I still sit by myself. I can try internet friends, but internet is weekly for me. So far I am in a program were I am surrounded by people who are assholes and the ones in charge pretend they don't know because favoritism. After I'm done they are going to give me $500 and I am either going to California or Louisiana. I am scared since I am going to force myself to get two jobs in a cheap apartment that I am trying to get because I don't ever want to be homeless. In honestly I want to go to film school but my low money have made it impossible and student debit is something I am not going to put myself through. I tried to do something from my bucket list of writing a book, but I am not finish and I want it perfect, I like it, but I always think of ways to make it better. I been thinking of my exes but I know I cant until I am at the level of put together I promised myself, also two of them cheat a lot with anyone they are with. Its a lot and death seems nice, but I do want to live. I don't know what's next. I'm scared.

@SilentCrow Well, being scared is part of life, and at 22-25; there's a lot to be scared OF because there's a lot you've never had to deal with.

Gotta be honest, $500 may get you somewhere, but you kind of have to have a plan for work beforehand. I've done a lot of bouncing around. Never had a job to go to. Looking back, most of the difficulties of my wife would have been greatly reduced if I already had a place to work when I got somewhere.

Most states have a film & tourism board, maybe you can get a job with one of them. (Louisiana will DEFINITELY be cheaper to survive in than California).

Just breathe. Being scared is a good thing, because fear can keep you alive when you're too stupid to realize you're in danger. Relax. You'll be fine.

@xixgun Thanks, im trying