I Need to Vent

I wish I knew how to deal with openly aggressive people. I wish my mother wasn't a nightmare.

I've never had to deal with people shouting, or slamming doors, or doing things especially with the purpose of making me miserable. I get this desperate need to de-escalate, but that doesn't help. Everything I do seems to escalate it, instead.

It feels like I keep getting attacked, and I just lie down and take it because I never learned how to fight.

It's almost humiliating to say that I can't stand my mom, so I normally don't say it. I know some people wouldn't take it seriously, and I don't want people to think of me as some 14 year old who "hates her parents" because of something that is ultimately for my own good.

But I really can't stand her. She's awful to deal with.

I'm at the point where I want to kill myself right now, with the sole purpose of selfishly putting that eternal blame on my mother's shoulders.

At least that way, I can attack back.

AnonymouslyYours

You'll soon be able to leave home. If there's no one you trust to confide in, turn to something that brings you some relief (assuming you haven't already), e.g. journaling or praying. I experienced the same things you did at your age and practicing religion was my only saving grace at the time. Just know you aren't alone. Most assume parents are always right and know best, so I can empathize with your not being taken seriously about emotional and verbal abuse. It's the most devastating kind yet also the least to be properly addressed and ended.