I Need to Vent
I wish I knew how to deal with openly aggressive people. I wish my mother wasn't a nightmare.
I've never had to deal with people shouting, or slamming doors, or doing things especially with the purpose of making me miserable. I get this desperate need to de-escalate, but that doesn't help. Everything I do seems to escalate it, instead.
It feels like I keep getting attacked, and I just lie down and take it because I never learned how to fight.
It's almost humiliating to say that I can't stand my mom, so I normally don't say it. I know some people wouldn't take it seriously, and I don't want people to think of me as some 14 year old who "hates her parents" because of something that is ultimately for my own good.
But I really can't stand her. She's awful to deal with.
I'm at the point where I want to kill myself right now, with the sole purpose of selfishly putting that eternal blame on my mother's shoulders.
At least that way, I can attack back.
I've never had to deal with people shouting, or slamming doors, or doing things especially with the purpose of making me miserable. I get this desperate need to de-escalate, but that doesn't help. Everything I do seems to escalate it, instead.
It feels like I keep getting attacked, and I just lie down and take it because I never learned how to fight.
It's almost humiliating to say that I can't stand my mom, so I normally don't say it. I know some people wouldn't take it seriously, and I don't want people to think of me as some 14 year old who "hates her parents" because of something that is ultimately for my own good.
But I really can't stand her. She's awful to deal with.
I'm at the point where I want to kill myself right now, with the sole purpose of selfishly putting that eternal blame on my mother's shoulders.
At least that way, I can attack back.
26-30, F
