I Need to Vent
Firstly I have to warn you this is going to be frustratedly long. This is all about me, only read this if you know me (means we've been talking) AND if you give a damn on me. If you decide to click in please read it all. So usually i don't spread hatred or sadnesses around, but this time is an exception as this is what I call vent and I kinda have had enough. I'm serious.
To start with, I wonder so bad why can some people be so talkative like they get abundant endless stuffs to talk with anyone ? As an introvert Idk if I'm too lucky or something, almost everyone beside me is this type. I never been a very spontaneous or talkative person back then, I like that people would approach me first and keep the conversations going, but I'm just too limited on the things I can speak. If I ever talk to you it means I do care and feel interested really, just I'm not sociable enough to not answer so short so neat to lead misunderstanding I'm sorry. Although I'm a really friendly good listener and secret keeper, this never stops people from losing interests on talking with me and pulling me away.
I admit I used to be a loner type of introvert, but now I'm being outgoing. I want friends, I do feel lonely sometimes like everyone does and I even try to be more spontaneous, talkative and have already let my guard down, however, not many people appreciate it. People want to talk to me only when they're in their super boring spare time, like they've already had their quota of friend full.
Ikr. In my whole life I'm roughly just a temporary entertainment or a backup friend, both in real life and on the internet.
I hate it when some people get bored talking to me on phone and lie about they have something to do yet they are actually going to call someone else; I hate it when people ask me out for dinner or movie only because the one they asked before me has ditched them; I hate it when I'm in a group of people talking I finally get something to say after them, they talk so loud and much covering me; and I hate it when I hang out with two people, they talk to each other and treat me like air when I'm in the middle. I'm legit suffocating, not only because of the lonesome feeling I get, but also my hopelessness on such situations.
It sucks. What sucks more is the reason most people would approach me is because of my freaking damn face, and the only thing they want, is not the friendship kind of bond, they don't ask questions to see the real me beneath but only for the identity of me. Oh yeah, who would approach me with this boring personality if I don't have such a face ? I thank god for at least giving this to me.
These are why I became an intermittently funny person, so some people around me would be happy because of me, then I'd be happy too because at least I can draw some attentions to myself. Oh why do I have to be mystery too ? Because I have nothing much to show, once I expose them you have to go. By the way how come people at this age are like making friends for benefits ? No matter in school or outside, like if you won't give them enough informations and funs you're not worth being their friends, all they want is just quality friends. How can they use others' loneliness to fill their emptiness ?
Since when, talking became the only interaction between people ? Do animals talk too ? Nope. I know they do communicate though. Yet activities and the time we spend together do matter too doesn't it ? But why can't people realize that it can be fun being around me ? I mean I can drink, I can do static stuffs like drawing and playing some music etc; dynamic activities like playing ball games, skateboarding, dancing and swimming etc, I am uncommonly creative on thinking and I can be crazy. I'm just not good at talking. I tried and I'm tired. Before questioning me why don't I try harder, tell me what is the point of approaching someone for the third time when they have ignored you more than twice and are obviously not interested in talking with you ? Even if they finally reply, they just do it out of their kindness and politeness. What can I do besides missing them one sidedly ? Why do people only like sociable people ? How to be one of them ? I really can't, I'd rather be the old me again, at least I would be the best introvert, a free spirit, and I'd feel more comfortable with myself, even would be less lonely. Perhaps I just envy those social butterflies and how they shine is beyond me.
At last, I hope you did read every single words up there because I did type
it with my weird deepest genuine feeling. And please don't say you understand unless you have ever felt the same. This is not a person with empathy can feel it all by imagination.
Anyway if you find this ridiculous just ignore me or judge me, or hate me like I hate myself, whatever.
Thank you for your time for reading this extremely long negative mumbling speech.
To start with, I wonder so bad why can some people be so talkative like they get abundant endless stuffs to talk with anyone ? As an introvert Idk if I'm too lucky or something, almost everyone beside me is this type. I never been a very spontaneous or talkative person back then, I like that people would approach me first and keep the conversations going, but I'm just too limited on the things I can speak. If I ever talk to you it means I do care and feel interested really, just I'm not sociable enough to not answer so short so neat to lead misunderstanding I'm sorry. Although I'm a really friendly good listener and secret keeper, this never stops people from losing interests on talking with me and pulling me away.
I admit I used to be a loner type of introvert, but now I'm being outgoing. I want friends, I do feel lonely sometimes like everyone does and I even try to be more spontaneous, talkative and have already let my guard down, however, not many people appreciate it. People want to talk to me only when they're in their super boring spare time, like they've already had their quota of friend full.
Ikr. In my whole life I'm roughly just a temporary entertainment or a backup friend, both in real life and on the internet.
I hate it when some people get bored talking to me on phone and lie about they have something to do yet they are actually going to call someone else; I hate it when people ask me out for dinner or movie only because the one they asked before me has ditched them; I hate it when I'm in a group of people talking I finally get something to say after them, they talk so loud and much covering me; and I hate it when I hang out with two people, they talk to each other and treat me like air when I'm in the middle. I'm legit suffocating, not only because of the lonesome feeling I get, but also my hopelessness on such situations.
It sucks. What sucks more is the reason most people would approach me is because of my freaking damn face, and the only thing they want, is not the friendship kind of bond, they don't ask questions to see the real me beneath but only for the identity of me. Oh yeah, who would approach me with this boring personality if I don't have such a face ? I thank god for at least giving this to me.
These are why I became an intermittently funny person, so some people around me would be happy because of me, then I'd be happy too because at least I can draw some attentions to myself. Oh why do I have to be mystery too ? Because I have nothing much to show, once I expose them you have to go. By the way how come people at this age are like making friends for benefits ? No matter in school or outside, like if you won't give them enough informations and funs you're not worth being their friends, all they want is just quality friends. How can they use others' loneliness to fill their emptiness ?
Since when, talking became the only interaction between people ? Do animals talk too ? Nope. I know they do communicate though. Yet activities and the time we spend together do matter too doesn't it ? But why can't people realize that it can be fun being around me ? I mean I can drink, I can do static stuffs like drawing and playing some music etc; dynamic activities like playing ball games, skateboarding, dancing and swimming etc, I am uncommonly creative on thinking and I can be crazy. I'm just not good at talking. I tried and I'm tired. Before questioning me why don't I try harder, tell me what is the point of approaching someone for the third time when they have ignored you more than twice and are obviously not interested in talking with you ? Even if they finally reply, they just do it out of their kindness and politeness. What can I do besides missing them one sidedly ? Why do people only like sociable people ? How to be one of them ? I really can't, I'd rather be the old me again, at least I would be the best introvert, a free spirit, and I'd feel more comfortable with myself, even would be less lonely. Perhaps I just envy those social butterflies and how they shine is beyond me.
At last, I hope you did read every single words up there because I did type
it with my weird deepest genuine feeling. And please don't say you understand unless you have ever felt the same. This is not a person with empathy can feel it all by imagination.
Anyway if you find this ridiculous just ignore me or judge me, or hate me like I hate myself, whatever.
Thank you for your time for reading this extremely long negative mumbling speech.
