Ugh, i hate thinking that everyone is just fken lying to me.

My last breakup in 2018 didnt leave me feeling like this, i just feel i will never be perfect and i am just worried i will never be perfect for the next dude. Ugh, i just cant trust anyone omg. I hate this. I've been doing so well these last 2 months since I've been sober but once November hit, its been so fken hard for me to keep my emotions in check, im constantly worrying and feeling so lonley and sad and crying Idk why this is happening to me. Been praying so much more lately too. I just want this feeling to go away so i don't feel this way. Wish i had someone i can talk to irl without judgment bc i feel like im about to fken relapses bc my dealer did text me yesterday but i shut that message down letting him know i dont smoke nomo. But ughhhh this feeling of uncertainty. I hate this life rn.