I Hate My Life
UPDATED.
My whole face looks as though it's going to gangrene and fall off...
I've been drugged for many, many years, both intravenously and orally, but on and off, as I was able to survive.
My face, especially around my nose, has a black strip, heading up to in between my eyebrows, as my nose is being twisted heavily to the sides as I suffer seizures while I am asleep.
There are alot of cuts in my nose as well as soreness when I awake.
Sometimes my nose is so sore and cut up, I cannot even touch it using one finger.
I wake up with deep slits on either side of my big toes. The slits are very deep, still I do not feel any pain.
Diabetics lose feeling in their extremeties after some time of being untreated. I have lost some feeling in my toes, as they are being slashed most likely by razor, myself having no pain.
Mustn't one tell me how I could be tested negatively for Diabetes, when I've no feeling at the site of a cut or wound of an extremity?
The issue is that my Foster Mother's Indian family in India hack computers, so even if I am tested Positive for Diabetes, the results will be altered.
I hate myself so much that I have the need to want to disfigure myself more than my Foster Mother and her boyfriend and his family have been doing to me.
I feel to disfigure myself because I'm tired of them doing things to me. I'm tired of receiving no help. I'm tired of crying out knowing no one's going to hear me. I'm sick and tired of being misdiagnosed every single time I go to the Doctor. I'm sick and tired of living in a neighborhood where I receive absolutely no help, as they see my Foster Mother's Boyfriend's entire family coming in to destroy and further mutilate me. I'm sick and tired of being invisible to People out there who look at my pain as sometime to laugh at because they don't believe me. I'm just so done that I'm going to live to mutilate myself just as much as my Foster Mother and her boyfriend and his family does...I'm not human, I'm nothing.
I hate myself because I feel like people hate me, as no one ever listens. It may not be everybody, but my world is a small world, and most just bypass my cry for help. They look to call me "ugly" and never give a legitimate reason for my unattractiveness, as they claim that I was "born that way" or "born to be that way".
I am never happy, I am never in peace, I am never wholesome and complete. I am always in pain. I just pray to die. I can't live my life feeling pain. If I have to, I just want to bleed out the best of me and watch myself drain. I'm so unhappy, I feel so defeated. My heart is broken and I've got nowhere to run, no one to turn to. Imagine, I'm the one who needs help and my Foster Mother had me arrested and put into a cell for stealing money from her, when it was MY FATHER'S INHERITANCE that I'd taken, or the money she's having her boyfriend and his family obsessively mutilate me for. The Police had ABSOLUTELY NO HEART FOR ME AND ARRESTED ME WITHOUT PROPERLY EXAMINING THE SITUATION. IN RETURN, THEY LOCKED ME IN A CELL AND WATCHED ME RUN MAD, AS I KNOCKED MY HEAD ON THE PRISON BARS FOR A OVER A HALF AN HOUR. THERE WERE COMPLAINTS FROM OTHER CELL MEMBERS THAT I WAS BANGING MY HEAD. ONLY THEN DID THE POLICE TRY TO TALK ME OUT OF IT...
I WISH I COULD'VE DIED THAT VERY DAY...THEY WOULDN'T'VE CARED, AS THEY'D TOLD ME THAT "THEY WOULD GET INTO TROUBLE IF ANYTHING HAPPENED TO ME".
I'm sorry Life, but I can't just stick around for you to throw stones at me. I can't have guilt force itself on me. If I can't die, I will live only to mutilate myself. The problem with self-mutilation is that I will be guilty even for the scars I didn't inflict upon myself.
I just don't know what to do...
My whole face looks as though it's going to gangrene and fall off...
I've been drugged for many, many years, both intravenously and orally, but on and off, as I was able to survive.
My face, especially around my nose, has a black strip, heading up to in between my eyebrows, as my nose is being twisted heavily to the sides as I suffer seizures while I am asleep.
There are alot of cuts in my nose as well as soreness when I awake.
Sometimes my nose is so sore and cut up, I cannot even touch it using one finger.
I wake up with deep slits on either side of my big toes. The slits are very deep, still I do not feel any pain.
Diabetics lose feeling in their extremeties after some time of being untreated. I have lost some feeling in my toes, as they are being slashed most likely by razor, myself having no pain.
Mustn't one tell me how I could be tested negatively for Diabetes, when I've no feeling at the site of a cut or wound of an extremity?
The issue is that my Foster Mother's Indian family in India hack computers, so even if I am tested Positive for Diabetes, the results will be altered.
I hate myself so much that I have the need to want to disfigure myself more than my Foster Mother and her boyfriend and his family have been doing to me.
I feel to disfigure myself because I'm tired of them doing things to me. I'm tired of receiving no help. I'm tired of crying out knowing no one's going to hear me. I'm sick and tired of being misdiagnosed every single time I go to the Doctor. I'm sick and tired of living in a neighborhood where I receive absolutely no help, as they see my Foster Mother's Boyfriend's entire family coming in to destroy and further mutilate me. I'm sick and tired of being invisible to People out there who look at my pain as sometime to laugh at because they don't believe me. I'm just so done that I'm going to live to mutilate myself just as much as my Foster Mother and her boyfriend and his family does...I'm not human, I'm nothing.
I hate myself because I feel like people hate me, as no one ever listens. It may not be everybody, but my world is a small world, and most just bypass my cry for help. They look to call me "ugly" and never give a legitimate reason for my unattractiveness, as they claim that I was "born that way" or "born to be that way".
I am never happy, I am never in peace, I am never wholesome and complete. I am always in pain. I just pray to die. I can't live my life feeling pain. If I have to, I just want to bleed out the best of me and watch myself drain. I'm so unhappy, I feel so defeated. My heart is broken and I've got nowhere to run, no one to turn to. Imagine, I'm the one who needs help and my Foster Mother had me arrested and put into a cell for stealing money from her, when it was MY FATHER'S INHERITANCE that I'd taken, or the money she's having her boyfriend and his family obsessively mutilate me for. The Police had ABSOLUTELY NO HEART FOR ME AND ARRESTED ME WITHOUT PROPERLY EXAMINING THE SITUATION. IN RETURN, THEY LOCKED ME IN A CELL AND WATCHED ME RUN MAD, AS I KNOCKED MY HEAD ON THE PRISON BARS FOR A OVER A HALF AN HOUR. THERE WERE COMPLAINTS FROM OTHER CELL MEMBERS THAT I WAS BANGING MY HEAD. ONLY THEN DID THE POLICE TRY TO TALK ME OUT OF IT...
I WISH I COULD'VE DIED THAT VERY DAY...THEY WOULDN'T'VE CARED, AS THEY'D TOLD ME THAT "THEY WOULD GET INTO TROUBLE IF ANYTHING HAPPENED TO ME".
I'm sorry Life, but I can't just stick around for you to throw stones at me. I can't have guilt force itself on me. If I can't die, I will live only to mutilate myself. The problem with self-mutilation is that I will be guilty even for the scars I didn't inflict upon myself.
I just don't know what to do...
SW-User