I Hate My Life

its 12.20 in the afternoon and im in bed...drinking beer!!! i had plans today..i did....but my son refused to give me shopping money and told me to get it off nan....and he will give it back to her...even though he has £150 cash in his wallet...im trying to make my life better..i am....but i cant...im in treatment for addiction...im doing online courses for this and that...im decorating my flat to try to make things a bit better...but nothing is working....i sometimes wish i wasnt here anymore....recently i keep looking at the bottle of bleach and wondering what would happen if i drank it....could this be the way out???