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Which way out

im not even gonna put anything in order, just ranting!

I hate everything about myself. But more specifically I hate my face. I ignore every mirror I see because if I look at one I'll either start breaking down or be angry the rest of the day. I believe people lie when they say im pretty, and when I know someone means it I'll start crying, and thats really embarassing. I hate the things I do and the things I did. Its hard for me to let go of the past like it is for most people!

I want friends, but I wanna be alone. I either dont reply because I dont want to talk, or ill be rude to them. I dont like that I do that sometimes. Since its summer, I've been contemplating blocking them and going seperate ways without an explanation.

I stopped caring. Do what you want is just gonna be my answer sometimes, or I just wont answer. I dont care what my friends do or what people do (what SOME people should also be doing..) I dont want to sound edgy as much as my own friend has called me that for VENTING to him.

I feel so little of sadness when I realize my moms just doing whats best for me sometimes. I remember everything she did to me that made me feel like shit, and she does still do that sometimes.

Im considering suicide again. I wont kill myself though, I believe too much in hell and that if i do it ill go there. Im struggling to sit down without bursting into tears and grabbing the pill bottles in my parents bathroom. I feel so corny. Ri

♡ #1

 
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