I have been trying to grieve without being consumed by it.

But today it hurts so much. I miss her. I miss the situation I had, I was so fortunate. And I am trying to not let everything ruin my mood so I don't drag my son down with me.

Just... Lost. And very sad. And don't know what to.

It's always the one thing I need the most that I can't have.

All this loss, and never any hugs or love or support.

Boo hoo right?

I know how the world works.

How dare I even speak up and talk about my feelings.

What a loser.