Can anyone please tell me

How to live without them?

The dead.

How do I live without her?

My best friend.

I have felt dead for a year.

I cannot feel joy any more.

Maybe a glimpse every now and then with a stand up comedy video on Youtube.

But I don't feel alive any more.

I feel like I am waiting for the end.

I am only 37.

I don't know how to go 30+ years without you, mom.

I don't want to.

How.

The alcohol doesn't work, the MJ doesn't work. The sleep meds don't even help me sleep all night. The water and the vitamins don't work. Nor the magnesium or the antidepressants. Or the veggie smoothies.

I always told you I didn't want to live in a world without you and I meant it. With my bad habit I thought I would go first.

With how loving you were, and patient, and kind, and everything anyone needed, I was sure you would outlast me.

I was sure you needed to.

I am a hollow shell without you. The world is hollow without you.

How does the world keep turning without you?

You died so horribly I can't deal with the injustice of it.

The days pass like in the movies, days flipping on a paper calendar. Summer, Fall, Winter, Spring, Summer again now. I am stuck.

If the universe needed a life, why didn't it just take mine?? Why? Why why why why why why why

Why

Please why


Please