To anyone who's lost someone, can you relate?

My sister is heavy on my heart tonight. Especially since the anniversary is just a few days away. I love her so much, more than I've loved anyone before. She was my best friend, but more than that, we had a bond I've never seen in anyone before. She was everything to me; my big sister, my little sister, my best friend, my child. Our relationship took on different roles and could be any of those on any given moment let alone day. Ever since she passed I've been depressed. Though it's going on 9 years, the grief is still as if it was yesterday. I'm still angry, in denial, numb, and struggle with the want to self harm or to go so I can be with her. No one knows for sure if it was an accident or if she took her life but I find myself imagining staging my leaving the same way she went in an attempt to be like her and feel close to her again. She was my purpose and my happiness in life. Since she left, nothing makes me happy. Nothing matters, and I do mean, nothing. It feels like even if I get married or have kids when I'm older I'll never be happy. She was my only happiness and nothing else can come close. I just want to know if this is normal.