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Why why why why why why

At 11, my angry drunk potbelly dad died in his sleep at home. A diabetic alcoholic taking medication for the condition.

At 35, My kind caring mother died at 68 after 4 months of suffering. Bowels being puked out. Month long hospital stays. Came home for hospice for a few weeks living with me. Died with vomit dripping out of her mouth.

Never on any pills except acid reflux ones before the diagnosis. Not a drinker. Not a pill taker. Not anything but kind.

I now know it does not matter.

Whatever you think matters, does not.

She was so good

Why why why why why why why why

She was so good

She was so good

She was the cauterization of all of our wounds, as best she could


The world average, she didn't eat that bad, no pharmaceuticals, a babysitter.

Kids kept her young.

Sunday school teacher.

Not much overweight. About 200 at 5'5".

Never around asbestos or fumes or leaks or FCK literally no explanation. No reason. No anything. Nothing I can think of. Nothing.

Earth lost an angel.

If you find yourself needing a ton of antacids, get checked.

It all came about because she found herself needing a daily acid pill (like famotidine/pepcid/zantac) every time she ate. She also started to throw up what she ate, immediately. Like it wouldn't go down.

She was always a "if it isn't broke don't fix it" person. Never went to the doctor.

So when she scheduled an appointment with a doctor, I knew it would be bad.

They did tests. Eventually a CT scan.

They found masses. Uterus and lungs. It was "uterine serous cancer". stage 4. Spread to lungs. "Metastasized" to lungs.

They said, if she had gotten regular pap smears, they might have caught it. On that note...who knows. Some holistic folks say that tests "cause" the issue. She just didn't go to the doctor after I was born.

Again, the "walk it off type".

She was so "walk it off" that she didn't go the hospital until I was 15 minutes away from coming out, because she "didn't want to bother my dad while he was sleeping", because he had work in the morning.

She did her best.

Always did her best. And no, it was not always good enough. But she did her best.

I love you mom. I'm sorry and I love you.

I want that in writing and for forever.

You were an exceptional mom. My best friend. The world will never be the same without you.
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Kstrong · 56-60, F
Words cant express the hurt you must feel, my heart hurts for yours. My deepest sympathy
Lilymoon · F
I'm so sorry for your loss. 💐

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