thoughts after death

My mom was the reason I knew what love was.

I always assumed it was just because she was my mom.

As if moms are obligated to love you and it "doesn't count".

But on my end, I always thought she was the most beautiful person I knew. Seeing her face gave me joy. She was funny, and open, and full of knowledge and advice and love.

One time I had to run an errand for work, to the post office. As I came out I saw a car that looked like hers. Turns out it was her. Immediate smile and happiness as I knocked on her window. And her eyes lit up with the same happiness as mine.

I feel the light has gone out of my life.

There is no one else I felt that kind of joy around. The safe, never doubting their care, kind of love.

Unconditional. Safe to be vulnerable.

Heaven gained an angel but Earth lost one.