When a guy opens up to you about the death of a loved one, is there a proper way to respond?

The first time it happened, I was shocked because I didn't expect it in a casual conversation.
But then a loved one died and when it happened to me, a part of me would have appreciated it if I was asked about it. Not for the sake of giving condolence or forgetting but to remember the fun times. Even though honestly, it still hurts.

But then it happened with another guy friend and when I tried to be nice and asked about the loved one, it kinda felt like he wanted me to stop and changed the topic. So I think it varies from person to person. But really... how does one know how to react? Or, what even is needed?

Top | Newest First | Oldest First

bowman81 · M

Like most things in life "it depends". It depends on the person and their needs. Let them know you care and you are available. If they want to talk they will, if it is too raw emotionally they will let you know that too.

If it is too raw for you.....let them know that as well. I have pretty broad shoulders but I can't take the weight of the world, there are limits. All you can do is be open and honest.

Casheyane · 31-35, F

@bowman81 Refreshing advice :) Thanks.

Sometimes it helps to be reminded of words you say to others. You know them in your heart but sometimes, knowing is different from truly accepting.

TexChik · F

Sometimes, the appropriate response is to listen to them speak of their loss. They don’t want you to say anything really . Being there is what matters most.

Casheyane · 31-35, F

@TexChik Probably right. Just that, there is this sense they want to keep the conversation going and it's kinda hard to keep going when that is the topic. But yeah.

markansas

just listen.. he needs to get it off his mind.. you dont need to say much . its his turn to talk.. death is hard . mark

akindheart · 61-69, F

the appropriate response is to say I am sorry for your loss. Do you want to talk about it. I know first hand. I was interested in a guy and wanted to share the loss of my daughter with him. he was totally not interested. didn't even ask how it happened. That was the turning off of t he relationship from my viewpoint. lack of empathy is a red flag

Casheyane · 31-35, F

@akindheart
Maybe. Honestly, when I lost dad, I hated people saying condolence. It's like, 'why do they even bother'. I could use a hug or something but those words? Meaningless coming from most people.

Yeah, agreed on the red flag. Lack of empathy is a total turnoff.

akindheart · 61-69, F

@Casheyane its tough to know what to do but it has to be acknowledged. not fakey but sincere.

Chickie · F

From my experience peers always came to my face about it I guess expecting me to nurture or comfort them but honestly I it has nothing to do with me and it feels like attention seeking sometimes especially when I don't get the support when my mental health is extremely low.

What I did was always say "I'm sorry to hear that/you have my condolences and I hope you feel better soon"

Add a comment...