I Have a Confession

I feel like I lie to everybody I know. My friends, family, and even strangers have this image of me, but it’s not who I actually am. Everybody thinks I’m smarter, prettier, nicer, and overall better than I actually am.

I bullshit my way through school and I struggle to maintain my grades. I cake makeup on my face to feel somewhat pretty but I know that I’m still ugly. No matter how many acts of kindness I do, I can never take back all the shitty things I’ve done. I can never shake the thought that I am a bad, ugly person.

I’m not who everybody sees me as or wants me to be. I don’t feel like a good or smart person. I’ve tried to tell people who I really am but they don’t believe me. They insist that I’m smart, nice, and pretty. But they have no idea that their image of me couldn’t be further from who I actually am. I’ve considered the possibly that they’re lying to me out of pity because they see behind the mask, but in reality I’m very good at hiding. Turns out, I’m the one that’s lying. They only compliment the person they think they know.

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GerOttman · 61-69, M

A few things come to my mind reading this. Most intelligent people tend to be introspective and self critical. It takes a certain self awareness to see your own flaws. Try sometimes to use that same critical self awareness to see your own qualities as well. I also noticed that at a much younger age I had the same self critical opinion and it took a long time to realize as I grew older that I wasn't as bad as I painted myself in my own head. I have looked at pictures of myself from the past in which I remember hating the way I looked. I felt awkward or ugly in them wehh they were taken, looking at them now I realize I was actually a super cutie. You just couldn't have told me so at the time, I'd have known you were lying to me! I have a feeling you might find the same thing to be true in a few years as well.