I Have a Confession

I am leaving my husband and have begun to prep for it. I have turned a blind eye to his belittling comments, the cut downs, the hiding behind his culture bullshit the domineering ways he tries to monopolize every second of my day. We have a small boy, a business which he now works with me full time on and a house. I have very few friends nowadays and no family that I can count on or ever could. I am alone but am strong. I am tired of every decision, every thought of my own being second guessed and ridiculed because it isn't his. I am very sensitive and have always wanted a good man to rely upon and he has not let me down in this area. The problem is I do not have my own life anymore and am not doing well emotionally or mentally within his little world. I am isolated and alone. I am quite adept at dreaming big and making it happen and only wanted him to join me on this journey and to be with me for us. He is incapable of doing this. Because he is the oldest son of an Asian family and his mother divorced and extremely emotionally needy he will never leave her side. Although this is honorable, as a wife it has drained me to the point of no return. I do not share my man with anyone. I have always and will as long as we are together felt like the other woman. I deserve to have a man and a life of my own that I can create as I see fit. If I stay with him it will never be like that and he is refusing to listen as it is not his problem. He was gone overseas for almost a month and I fell into my own skin for the first time in a decade. Wow, I forgot who I was and how simple life could be. There are many other problems within the relationship that I do not feel like getting into at this point in time. This is a harsh pill to swallow and just goes to prove you never know what is around the next corner. I am mourning, grieving, lost, sad, scared, worried, feeling guilty, and trying to get my head wrapped around this in order to prepare myself to do what I know I have to do. The fact that I go back and forth leave don't want to leave is exhausting. I don't think this situation will ever be black and white. My answers will have to come from within me.