I Have a Confession

My boyfriend and I are in couple's counseling. But I can't help but think we've dug a hole and can't get out of it. I feel like something is hollow inside of me. I want to rebuild, but I can't if we keep crying. There's so much to lose, yet, so much we need to bring back into the relationship. There's this void that I keep wanting to fill. But I feel as though it just opened wider.

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PoisonLace · 41-45, F

I keep wondering how it got to this point. All I want is to move forward. I don't want to be constantly reminded that I made wrong decisions. I think I've punished myself enough. My eating habits have been off schedule, I cry at least 4, maybe 5 times a week, my sleep schedule has become longer because that's the only way I can forget and my body needs more time to recover from the stress it's received, and my confidence in myself has been worse than normal. I have always had low self esteem, and lately it has tripled to where I feel like I deserve all the bad things that happen during my every day life.