I Have a Confession
I want to stop the mess before it gets messier. It's been a long time since my emotions took hold of me this much. It has to be something in the alignments causing me to feel so off balance. There has to be some positivity somewhere...to help me get through all of this. I have to pull myself up and keep going. I have to make it better...
I want so badly for my significant other to understand what I'm going through, and to forgive me for how I feel about everything. At the same time I feel there has been a detachment between us. It could just be me, but maybe it's been steadily crumbling for a while and we just haven't noticed. And then I dug up my past and everything sucks now. Whatever happens between me and my significant other will be because of me. Then again, his job is really making it hard for me to feel wanted. If there were no video games for him to come home to, would he really choose a book to disappear into instead of spending the rest of the evening with me? Honestly, weekends (not including Saturday nights) are the only times I really get his attention. If I stay with him, he's going to regret not spending as much time as he could with me once he's on his deathbed. As the saying goes, "life is too short, make the most of it." It's true. Since he has been making me feel at a distance (lately he's been getting a little better. He went on 2 walks with me and the dog, but I don't know how long that will last), I've been thinking about someone else when I really shouldn't! Is this going to be my life as a house wife if and when I do marry him? Am I going to be that lonely wife who fancies guys other than her husband? I don't want to be! I now know the true meaning of happiness.
I want so badly for my significant other to understand what I'm going through, and to forgive me for how I feel about everything. At the same time I feel there has been a detachment between us. It could just be me, but maybe it's been steadily crumbling for a while and we just haven't noticed. And then I dug up my past and everything sucks now. Whatever happens between me and my significant other will be because of me. Then again, his job is really making it hard for me to feel wanted. If there were no video games for him to come home to, would he really choose a book to disappear into instead of spending the rest of the evening with me? Honestly, weekends (not including Saturday nights) are the only times I really get his attention. If I stay with him, he's going to regret not spending as much time as he could with me once he's on his deathbed. As the saying goes, "life is too short, make the most of it." It's true. Since he has been making me feel at a distance (lately he's been getting a little better. He went on 2 walks with me and the dog, but I don't know how long that will last), I've been thinking about someone else when I really shouldn't! Is this going to be my life as a house wife if and when I do marry him? Am I going to be that lonely wife who fancies guys other than her husband? I don't want to be! I now know the true meaning of happiness.
41-45, F