I Have a Confession

My boyfriend doesn't know about this site. He doesn't know I have created an account and am confessing my deep emotions here. I have tried to confide in him and express to him how I feel, but sometimes I feel as if I am not getting through to him. He loves that I am open and honest. He talks to me, yes...but I feel as though it's not enough. I have to confide in others, even complete strangers. I have expressed that I am unhappy and feel alone all the time. He tries to help me find a solution. But...I think the big thing here is the fact that I need a change. I don't know how to make a change. I need to break away and try to do more things on my own, to be more independent. I don't know where I'm going in life, or in this relationship we've had for 7 years. I feel like we've experienced everything we're going to experience...and that this is all we're going to experience. I am going to be a lonely housewife with no real career (even though I'm trying to do something by going to college), waiting for him each day to return home. When he returns home from his nice paying job, he goes straight for the video games. Mind you, he'll be 40 next year, so we're not talking about a guy in his 20s. I am supposed to be in a more mature relationship that doesn't consist of me looking like a nag all the time trying to get my man's attention. We are also supposed to help eachother with chores and spend time together. Sometimes I feel like living by myself, but I'd be too scared. I've never lived by myself before, and am not sure I'd be able to. I've never even had a job that pays over minimum wage, which is why I'm in college. I hope to one day do something with my major in music and my minor in writing. But what would those things do for me if I were living on my own? I would have to take up a side job just to make ends meet. There's no way I could just live off of gigs and here and there royalties. All I know is, I can't keep living this way. He makes good money, but hasn't helped me keep the apartment in shape. I clean, but I'm not a maid...he should pick up after himself. We made a deal that I cook and clean if I wanted to go to school and not work as much...but in all honesty, not picking up after one's self is just plain rude and lazy. Respect is a big issue here. And having a nice paying job does not buy happiness. We've got money and a cushony life, but I'm more unhappy with my life than I've been in a while...it's hard to explain. Besides not helping much around the apartment, he hasn't done anything wrong. Something's just got to give.