I Have a Confession

He's already gone in my mind. Today he told me he's moving away. He's getting married. I shouldn't be sad that someone is walking out of my life who just wants to move on with their's, because I already have someone...but I can't help but be broken about it. He will leave and never come back. He was the first person I ever loved, and never got the chance to really express it. Even though I am with someone, my heart feels some what shattered because I never truly got over the person I fell for long ago. It sucks, but what can one do? You can't help what you feel. You can't lie to yourself and mean it. I lie to myself everyday, though I don't lie to others. I deserved this. I deserved every bit of it. Because I through away the opportunity with this person years and years ago, it bit me later. But I didn't know I'd ever see him again. Then I found him...and now he may be leaving to never be seen again. And I chose a life with someone I love, who loves me, but is barely ever there. I will forever feel alone. I will forever crave company. I will forever be craddled between walls that I built with no doors.