I Have a Confession
I am conflicted because I am trying to make my relationship of 7 years work out, and I am reminding myself how much I have gone through with my significant other and how much he loves me. I love him too, but I feel like I'm falling out of love with him because we don't spend enough time together because of his job. He worked so hard to get that job, and has a degree for it. It's taking all his energy away. Meanwhile he allows me to go to school full time and I don't have to work a lot. He pays all the bills. But I am his house wife. I cook and clean, even if I have home work (my degree is tough too. Even though not as tough as his was, it is still hard work). I feel as though I'm getting bored with the relationship, but I don't want to just up and leave, because we have made it so far to quit now. He worked so hard, and sacraficed so much for me. It shows how much he loves and cares about me. And I have never completely lived on my own by myself. I have never had the opportunity to take care of every bill in order to survive. I've always either lived with my mom or roommates before my boyfriend. So I don't know what I'd do if I lost him, and vice versa. He is the hermit, and I am the extrovert. If I left, his world would die. I love him enough to stay in his life for fear of knowing he would be so secluded from other people, and his life will only consist of work. And it kills me how in love we were when we first started, but now I don't see it as much. And I don't know what would become of our lives if I left.
There is also another person I have feelings for...the one from my first post. The one who belongs to another. Nothing ever happened between us, but even after being off the grid for 8 years not knowing what happened to the other person, the love never died. It hurts so much to realize this. I never believed this would happen. I never dreamed that I would keep this love for the other person alive while I was with a person I loved dearly. I feel ashamed! And the other person came clean about everything the other day, saying he was madly in love with me. But if I decided I was going to jump out of the relationship I'm in...my life would turn to crap. I haven't lived by myself, and the other person has a family (not married, but has 3 kids with 2 women, one of which he is going to marry), and he has not yet made a life for himself. I would find myself back at the beginning of the race while the one I am with now is at the finish line and has made so many sacrafices that I appreciate. I am so proud of him! But I still feel alone. I still feel some what neglected. And no one visits me. I'm hurting so much, I don't know what to do. We have a nice steady income, and all we ever wanted...but some how I am unhappy in some way. I don't want this to keep trending. I can't live like that. My boyfriend and I had a discussion last night about how we should spend more time together, and how he should include me in his game activities when he gets home. But how many new things does this relationship have left? We've shared just about everything. I commend old married couples who have lasted so long. Unless there is a remedy for such a comfortable living situation with nothing really exciting going on, I'm headed for loneliness.
There is also another person I have feelings for...the one from my first post. The one who belongs to another. Nothing ever happened between us, but even after being off the grid for 8 years not knowing what happened to the other person, the love never died. It hurts so much to realize this. I never believed this would happen. I never dreamed that I would keep this love for the other person alive while I was with a person I loved dearly. I feel ashamed! And the other person came clean about everything the other day, saying he was madly in love with me. But if I decided I was going to jump out of the relationship I'm in...my life would turn to crap. I haven't lived by myself, and the other person has a family (not married, but has 3 kids with 2 women, one of which he is going to marry), and he has not yet made a life for himself. I would find myself back at the beginning of the race while the one I am with now is at the finish line and has made so many sacrafices that I appreciate. I am so proud of him! But I still feel alone. I still feel some what neglected. And no one visits me. I'm hurting so much, I don't know what to do. We have a nice steady income, and all we ever wanted...but some how I am unhappy in some way. I don't want this to keep trending. I can't live like that. My boyfriend and I had a discussion last night about how we should spend more time together, and how he should include me in his game activities when he gets home. But how many new things does this relationship have left? We've shared just about everything. I commend old married couples who have lasted so long. Unless there is a remedy for such a comfortable living situation with nothing really exciting going on, I'm headed for loneliness.
41-45, F