I Have a Confession
I wrote this as anonymous about a month ago. It's still true...and there's more to it now.
I am ashamed because there was a time I loved someone and they didn't know it. They disappeared off my radar for almost a whole decade. I can honestly say it was love. Nothing ever happened between us. I got into a relationship which also turned into love, and have been with this person for almost as long as the other person had disappeared. Then, I found the other person again...and realized that the love had never died. I cannot leave the one I'm with, because I still love the one I'm with, and we've made a life together...gone through such hard times together...and now we're living better than ever before. But it kills me that the other person is still the same. Never changed. I can't tell them just how much I missed them, because I'm afraid they will get scared(this part has changed because they returned the response mutually). They told me a long time ago they would always love me, and I don't think they even remember...but I do. I remember everything. And now they are with someone else, and may move away (out of the country!). I may never see them again. But I am a loyal being, so it would be against my will and moral to cheat on the one I'm with. It shames me to say I love two people. How will I ever get over this?
I don't think I will ever get over it. I try so hard to throw away the love I have for the person I am not with. But yesterday everything came into light. He confessed to me that he still loves, and is infact madly in love with me even though we are both with someone else. And he said that the reason he doesn't visit us, is that it hurts him to see me with someone else. I am open with the one I'm with, and he shares his insecurities about the situation...and tells me we can get through this. But I am hurting inside. I cannot bear to watch this happen to us...I can't stand that it's happening. I am way too loyal to be having such mixed feelings. But I dug up my past and now I must to deal with it.
I am ashamed because there was a time I loved someone and they didn't know it. They disappeared off my radar for almost a whole decade. I can honestly say it was love. Nothing ever happened between us. I got into a relationship which also turned into love, and have been with this person for almost as long as the other person had disappeared. Then, I found the other person again...and realized that the love had never died. I cannot leave the one I'm with, because I still love the one I'm with, and we've made a life together...gone through such hard times together...and now we're living better than ever before. But it kills me that the other person is still the same. Never changed. I can't tell them just how much I missed them, because I'm afraid they will get scared(this part has changed because they returned the response mutually). They told me a long time ago they would always love me, and I don't think they even remember...but I do. I remember everything. And now they are with someone else, and may move away (out of the country!). I may never see them again. But I am a loyal being, so it would be against my will and moral to cheat on the one I'm with. It shames me to say I love two people. How will I ever get over this?
I don't think I will ever get over it. I try so hard to throw away the love I have for the person I am not with. But yesterday everything came into light. He confessed to me that he still loves, and is infact madly in love with me even though we are both with someone else. And he said that the reason he doesn't visit us, is that it hurts him to see me with someone else. I am open with the one I'm with, and he shares his insecurities about the situation...and tells me we can get through this. But I am hurting inside. I cannot bear to watch this happen to us...I can't stand that it's happening. I am way too loyal to be having such mixed feelings. But I dug up my past and now I must to deal with it.
41-45, F