I will be 35 years old in few months and I am still angry that my mother

Chose my father over me again and again.

He was one abusive manipulative pos. He convinced her his actions were my fault, just like his actions towards her were her fault.

I tried to help her leave. She refused so I did what I could to save myself.

And then my siblings.

She still chose him.

At least she silently sat through the court day and didn't falsely testify against me. At least she did that.

He was smarter than me, stronger than me, more experienced than me.

I was just a child but I won. I could find comfort in that fact. I won and my siblings had safer childhoods..but I lost her though to her miserable relationship with him. She faded away and no longer had any will to live. She died because of her own self neglect and refusal to take care and that again robs me of any comfort.

He died two or three years ago. I though she can finally move on and start afresh. He is dead.

I should have known better because after he divorced her she still resented me instead of him.

Damn I hate my father so much.