August 17 always hits hard
TL;DR Some things happened that sucked. You don't have to read it if you'd rather not, especially if you dislike real-life Lifetime movie moments.
August has always been a bummer for me. Lots of things happened that month(in different years). Breakups, deaths, you name it--they all occurred in the eighth month. September can't compare.
On this day, 23 years ago, my whole world changed.
Two nights before, I was hoping to meet up with my then-wife to see a show at Jones Beach on Long Island in NY. I was working in NYC at the time, and she had to work in NJ, so we planned on a meetup where I would pick her up and we'd go to the show.
Now she had been acting cold and standoffish, but I thought this might help things. She called me at work and said she didn't want to go. I could not talk her out of it. Worst of all, she had the tickets, so I had to meet her anyway.
As I encountered her in the parking lot, I tried to cut the tension with "Do you think we can still be friends?" to which she replied "I'll always be your friend". This, in hindsight, was a "tell".
So I went and very much enjoyed the show, got back late, and went to sleep.
I got up the next day and got prepared for an all-night recording session that BEGAN at 10pm(I wanted a certain vibe and wanted to record in the dark). Long story short, we had technical issues with the Pro Tools computer and rolled tape instead. We hoped for a good live take of guitar and vocals, but things were not happening--the singer's voice was cracking and he was messing up on guitar. So we stopped. Sucks but that's what you do. The universe was out of balance.
My friend Rick and I lamented that we got nothing we could work with, but that's reality. We also spoke at length about my marriage. We listed positives and negatives and I concluded that I would give it another shot.
It was still dark when I drove the 90 minutes back to my house. The sun had *just* come up when I pulled into the driveway. I was groggy when I opened the door, trying not to wake up the wife.
Then I saw it on the kitchen counter. A note. Told me she's at her mom's house. You know that movie cliche about someone getting bad news and dropping to their knees? LET ME TELL YOU, THAT HAPPENS. My legs gave way.
Here was my best friend, whom I married, who knew me better than anyone, doing something she knew for a fact was THE way to kick me where it hurt. The feeling like all was lost--I can never forget it. I always had abandonment issues, and she knew it. And she waited till I was going to be gone. And packed up a bunch of stuff, and drove off into the night with her red Forester, one of the few things she would end up with.
I really wanted to go to sleep, but now it was adrenaline and nervous energy. This was what I had been trying to avoid. But if that's the way she wanted it, then that's the way I wanted it more . Took a hair more than a year to get rid of her.
Nearly every year, I put on the outtakes from the session. The song we were recording was bleak and yet philosophical, yet you can hear a force guiding the session off of the rails as we did take after take. Thinking of how I had no idea of my soon-to-be-ex's cruel surprise and that I would soon return to an empty home...it's chilling.
I need to mark the anniversary of things, not to keep them alive or reopen a wound as much as it was "holy crap, I'm still here!". 23 years later, I am once again engaged to be married, got lots of music happening(I had nothing steady in 2002), very much to be thankful for.
Thank you for reading.
August has always been a bummer for me. Lots of things happened that month(in different years). Breakups, deaths, you name it--they all occurred in the eighth month. September can't compare.
On this day, 23 years ago, my whole world changed.
Two nights before, I was hoping to meet up with my then-wife to see a show at Jones Beach on Long Island in NY. I was working in NYC at the time, and she had to work in NJ, so we planned on a meetup where I would pick her up and we'd go to the show.
Now she had been acting cold and standoffish, but I thought this might help things. She called me at work and said she didn't want to go. I could not talk her out of it. Worst of all, she had the tickets, so I had to meet her anyway.
As I encountered her in the parking lot, I tried to cut the tension with "Do you think we can still be friends?" to which she replied "I'll always be your friend". This, in hindsight, was a "tell".
So I went and very much enjoyed the show, got back late, and went to sleep.
I got up the next day and got prepared for an all-night recording session that BEGAN at 10pm(I wanted a certain vibe and wanted to record in the dark). Long story short, we had technical issues with the Pro Tools computer and rolled tape instead. We hoped for a good live take of guitar and vocals, but things were not happening--the singer's voice was cracking and he was messing up on guitar. So we stopped. Sucks but that's what you do. The universe was out of balance.
My friend Rick and I lamented that we got nothing we could work with, but that's reality. We also spoke at length about my marriage. We listed positives and negatives and I concluded that I would give it another shot.
It was still dark when I drove the 90 minutes back to my house. The sun had *just* come up when I pulled into the driveway. I was groggy when I opened the door, trying not to wake up the wife.
Then I saw it on the kitchen counter. A note. Told me she's at her mom's house. You know that movie cliche about someone getting bad news and dropping to their knees? LET ME TELL YOU, THAT HAPPENS. My legs gave way.
Here was my best friend, whom I married, who knew me better than anyone, doing something she knew for a fact was THE way to kick me where it hurt. The feeling like all was lost--I can never forget it. I always had abandonment issues, and she knew it. And she waited till I was going to be gone. And packed up a bunch of stuff, and drove off into the night with her red Forester, one of the few things she would end up with.
I really wanted to go to sleep, but now it was adrenaline and nervous energy. This was what I had been trying to avoid. But if that's the way she wanted it, then that's the way I wanted it more . Took a hair more than a year to get rid of her.
Nearly every year, I put on the outtakes from the session. The song we were recording was bleak and yet philosophical, yet you can hear a force guiding the session off of the rails as we did take after take. Thinking of how I had no idea of my soon-to-be-ex's cruel surprise and that I would soon return to an empty home...it's chilling.
I need to mark the anniversary of things, not to keep them alive or reopen a wound as much as it was "holy crap, I'm still here!". 23 years later, I am once again engaged to be married, got lots of music happening(I had nothing steady in 2002), very much to be thankful for.
Thank you for reading.
