Ever Noticed

That we never say to single men, "you have to love yourself first before you can find someone to love you?" Only women are told this. It's also BS. Plenty of low self esteem types have partners and spouses. Look around. Look at the people you know or have known throughout your life. Some are super confident and others are not. Some fall anywhere between the two, but regardless where they fall on the confidence spectrum, some have found partners, and others have not. It's a roll of the dice. That's all it is, and you certainly don't have to love yourself. What does that even mean?

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Iwillsurvive · 26-30, F

Your thoughts are really interesting.
Idk how others think exactly

They can do what they want to do but if someone would ask me for an advice then i would say: love yourself firstly
Doesn't matter if male or female.

I want to be strong and i want to love myself and then fall in love. If i fall in love before i love myself i could be emotionally dependent on that person. And this happened to me before. I don't want to make the same mistake two times.
That is it.. But everyone is different

Carissimi · F

@Patricia12: Thanks for your well thought out response. Yes, everyone is different, and if that works for you then good enough.

SmartKat · 61-69, F

@Carissimi: She's sort of right. You need to love yourself enough not to make your whole happiness depend upon what your boyfriend says or does. You can't put him on a pedestal and assume he's always right and you're always wrong.

If a guy mistreats you, it does NOT mean you weren't good enough to deserve anything better. It means he's a b-stard.

Iwillsurvive · 26-30, F

@Carissimi: sure i think people are emotionally different. I fall real fast for a person.

Iwillsurvive · 26-30, F

@SmartKat: yes this is right. But i don't think this happens to everyone.
People are different. Some can be self conscious and still love a person and then it won't happen.

Magenta · F

@SmartKat: Great points. Perhaps it's that we need to respect ourselves first..

Carissimi · F

@SmartKat: Kat, I think as long as you have self respect, and know where the line is for deal breakers, that's sufficient. I don't think I'll ever love myself (again, whatever that means), but I won't suffer fools gladly, and my past experiences have shown me where my lines are drawn. I think as long as there is mutual respect, and most people know when they are not respected, or being jerked around, then it's good enough.

Carissimi · F

@Patricia12: I can fall fast too, though it can take decades for me to find one to fall for, and this is why I stay more reserved and distant.

Iwillsurvive · 26-30, F

@Carissimi: i know what you mean.
Is this because you want to protect yourself for bad feelings?

Carissimi · F

@Patricia12: I don't know what you mean by "want to protect yourself for bad feelings." Need clarification.

Iwillsurvive · 26-30, F

@Carissimi: you said you stay reserved and distant. do you do this because of bad experience or is this your nature?