does anyone else feel like they never should have existed?

like all you ever do is ruin anything you touch? like a walking catastrophe?

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I'm sure there are lots of people like that, but not me. The only time I felt that way was when I was a very young child and overheard my mom talking about the day of my birth. Apparently there had been some complication and most babies that get it, die from it. Mom said that the doctor said "she shouldn't even have lived through that".

Until I got up the nerve to apologize for living, I didn't realize it was the doctor who said it, not my mom. Mom didn't even know I was listening. I was playing in the back yard, near the opened living room window and that's where she and her friend happened to be talking.

June 6/17
9:05 pm
EDT

Xeross · 31-35, M

@Serenitree: sorry that must have been rough. I've felt like my parents felt like their lives would have been better without me many times.

Serenitree · F

@Xeross: my parents tried for four years to have me. They lost three before me. Then the doctor said I shouldn't have lived through the delivery. They were actually very happy to have me. It took them six more years before they had my sister, and mom was never able to carry another to term after my sister.

June 6/17
9:18 pm
EDT

Xeross · 31-35, M

@Serenitree: that's one I can relate to, my mom was never able to have kids, I was born, she tried again and none made it