What you are isn't tangible in this world...

I guess I'm just trying to understand myself more and what my place is. I'm trying to be less focused on what is the correct way to be in the world and interacting with others and rather than whatever everyone else wants or says is the right way, doesn't mean that's the right thing for me. That might seem ambiguous, but that's where I'm at.... floating out in space like usual, I guess. There's nothing specific.

Sometimes when I'm on the bus, I see myself in the reflection on the window and I feel a little detached or maybe a little disappointed looking back at myself. I don't know if it's me or the setting of being on the bus and everything is passing you by and it's like I'm not even really there. It's kind of like nothing matters. It's hard to describe. It's like a "derealization." Or maybe not derealization but detachment. Like whether you are part of things or not doesn't matter. Just floating along. And like I'm just living on autopilot.

Sometimes I'm so in my mind I don't feel a part of it and everything just dissolves. It's like acceptance... I'm here but I'm not really in it. I guess this is something to further feel because I don't really know how to describe it. I don't want to continue being so caught up in myself. It's just a wonder. Instead of wishing I could grab on to something, I'm feeling like it just doesn't matter. I don't know. We'll see...