I want him. I do. Asking for advice on this one...

Among the nice things about him, he doesn't ask me any questions about myself. There was mention of the L word after only a few weeks of meeting. And he takes a lot of what I say in a way I don't mean it.

It could be me remembering bad things from my exbf, but I also don't want to squash my instincts when something feels off. It feels like that familiar emotional immaturity at times though. I said I need to slow down and he says I had a change of heart.

Defensivness is natural if you're hurt, so I don't want to take away from his experience because of my past hurt from someone who was so defensive I wasn't allowed to have feelings.

But can I be heard too? Can I have feelings and say them and that be respected, thought on, talked about and compromised with?

Am I seeing/missing the good too strongly when I need to look at the whole picture more?

I told him we're just friends. Because he is a cool cat, I like a lot about him...

... I just don't think I'm ready yet. It's helping me see and make sense of a lot, which isn't bad, but my heart is so tired. So so so so so so so so so so sooooo tired.

Best I can do is walks alone on the beach right now and I'm grateful for that.

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HijabaDabbaDoo · F

God, my brain is fried. I paused at the "L word" before I continued reading, I was like huh? Lesbian?

Anyway, he sounds intense and intense feels good. Except it usually isn't this early on.

EldritchFox

@HijabaDabbaDoo 🤣🤣🤣 rest your brain lol

I'm uncomfortable with how strongly he is feeling towards me without even really knowing me. I can't reciprocate that yet and he acts rejected. The intensity is hot, it gets me high, but it drains me too. Maybe it's just where I am rn with life.

MsSwan

Love is not this complicated when you're with the right person. Believe me, I know.

If something feels off then it is.

EldritchFox

@MsSwan Thank you. I will believe you. My gut told me the same. I need to be alone awhile.

WanderingHelplessly · 51-55, M

I can say that what you said here I hope you told him. That you let him know you heard him. That you get that he might be coming from a place of past hurt. Still, he needs to know you have a past that hurt your heart. That, as you said, you are tired, and if he can just compromise. Give you space. Give you time.

SageWanderer · 70-79, M

Listen to your instincts! It’s only normal to want something but to what extent is the question. Keep it as a friendship, if things are meant to be more intense it will take a natural course.

EldritchFox

@SageWanderer he is intense. It's so attractive but I know better. I need calm right now. Trusting my gut on this one.

Ontheroad · M

I just don't think I'm ready yet

Listen to yourself - the best advise I can give is to listen to those dep thoughts of warning. Don't turn away, but be honest with him.

If he is the right one for you he will hear and while he may not completely understand, he will give you the space and at the same time the comfort you need to be you while not pulling away or questioning you.

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Ontheroad · M

@EldritchFox it totally sucks and I know that. We each need different levels of comfort and each of us need it in different ways - some we can get from the self, some we can't and I hate it for you, but I do feel this might be for now, the best choice for you.

EldritchFox

@Ontheroad it's okay, truly, thank you. I'd rather be honest with myself and work on it. I don't want to hurt anyone.

Ontheroad · M

@EldritchFox or yourself - let the self be your focus. Your self is a pretty awesome person.

TheDeathOCuHullainn

I would say its a red flag that he never asks questions about you.

EldritchFox

@TheDeathOCuHullainn yeah, I even asked him, do people not ask questions these days? How do you get to know someone if you aren't curious about them? His response was that he doesn't pry 🫤 I think it is some newer thing.

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