I don't bring out the side of me that feels most alive because stupid sh*t starts happening
I surpress the most free persona of my make up because literal funny games and bullshit drama starts happening.
I surpress all emotion and just live like a boring emotionless NPC.
It's the only way I can survive and actually get a little bit somewhere.
The universe is like "oh you're starting to feel joy and alive?". "Nah fam here is some unnecessary hardship and drama for ya b"