I can't explain myself anymore.

If I have tried and tried to get people to understand and they still don't see me. Still don't trust me. I'm still just an option...

Then I have to walk away. It's not my life's work to remind people I exist or to try so hard to be a part of their life I forget who I am.

I asked for things that always ended up forgotten or unimportant, so don't expect me to care when you don't understand my silence.

I am not cryptic or hard to figure out. I'm blatant to the point of intensity, so I know very well that I have spoken my truth in it's entirety. And I will not be blamed because people can't remember I'm a person with feelings too. I will not remind you over and over to do the things you said you would. I will not beg you to keep promises you keep forgetting you made. It should not be surprising when you feel my distance.

I understand now, it's not about understanding the abuse, it's about questioning myself, why would I want someone who makes me feel awful for existing.

I must remember my worth. I gave myself this worth. I went through hell to build my self worth and it's not going away because other people lack emotional maturity.

So from now on, I stand tall. I know who I am. I'm not perfect but I will admit my mistakes and shortcomings and I am capable of changing or correcting them.

I am lovable just as I am today, right this moment. My wants and needs are not bad or excessive. My lil tummy and my thic ass aren't ugly or gross. I am clever and adaptable and I never give up. I'm worth every headache I might give at times.

And I am sexy. I deserve to be touched and given pleasure as much as I enjoy giving. I deserve my dirtiest desires fulfilled safely.

I exist 🦊