I feel that I want to be held...

I don't know why I have this feeling in my chest that I can't explain but it's making me want to cry.. I do have a few reasons to do so but I don't know, they're embarrassing and I'm supposed to be an adult and stuff.

I mean one of the reasons is I don't like how I look in videos or like in motion on general. I think I look all right in still photos. Otherwise, I feel that I look out of breath it's pretty obvious that I struggle to breathe if you really look. Today is actually my 3rd year anniversary for using a bi-pap device. I don't know if that's related.

Second reason and I'm really being a grown up about it but I guess my subconscious isn't lol anxiety is getting to me. Well my mom is leaving the country for 4 days that's all. Everything is prepared all my meals,medications and everything and I won't really have to be alone or anything plus it's not like she's home 24/7 or anything but even her is really anxious about the whole thing even grandma is anxious too lol it runs in the family 😂 anyway me and my brother have been encouraging her to do this, I really do want her to do her own thing and to not have to worry all the time.

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Poppies · 61-69, F

It is so great that you persuaded your mom to do this, and also natural that you feel a little emotional about it. Hopefully she will enjoy the small holiday and she will be back before you know it.

Vengabus · 36-40

What’s the big deal about having a pap? I’ve got to have one.
Also, are you really in your thirties and if so is there a reason you need so much practical support from your mum? If you don’t really need the support because of a disability you will find that independence really does wonders for confidence and teaches you to care for yourself

PiecingBabyFaceTogether · 31-35, M

@Vengabus It's giving up of part of yourself it is a big deal.
I do have a physical disability. Plus living with your parents in your 30s in my country is quite normal even if you are healthy.

Boeing · 36-40

@PiecingBabyFaceTogether

It's giving up of part of yourself it is a big deal.

I think it is a season where many of us are asked to do this, in one or another way, and I can relate to you, even though facing very difficult circumstances. Take this as an invitation to observe a different routine, even if for a while, and see how it feels and what happens. Absence of a beloved, needed more or less, is bringing about some feeling of loss, but also is creating some spaciousness. See how that feels...
💙

Vengabus · 36-40

@PiecingBabyFaceTogether pre-made meals tho, you can’t make your own food? I have a long list of disabilities that make daily chores really difficult but I still have to find ways to do them. How is using a pap giving up a part of yourself?

EarthlingWise

Sometimes crying is all we need to release the anxiety. I guess your mum also has mixed feelings about leaving you two behind, but it might be good for the three of you to be "alone" for a bit.

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