Some are small some are valid some are life, some make me feel like a horrible human.
One time I got angry at my (now ex) because we were driving and I asked him to hold my phone. He put it on his knee and so when I turned a corner, it clattered onto the floorboard. He made no move to catch it. In that moment I felt such rage because I wouldn't have let his stuff fall to the floor or be damaged. It was such a small thing but in the moment felt big to me. A disregard for my stuff, especially a phone. It made me feel like he just didn't listen/care.
Another time (well many times) he would be driving on the highway. If we had to get off at, say, exit 32....he would stay in the left lane....with barely seconds to the right hand exit. I asked him why he always waited until the last minute to change lanes to the right and he just shrugged and said he just drives. Not sure if that was the fist time I thought it...but I remember thinking at that time... that I had a controlling mindset. Because I just wanted to make him see my own point of view that it is smarter to stay in the righthand lane when approaching the exit. But then thought, "Why do I care? He is driving. It has nothing to do with me". But then again thought...we made plans at a certain time...so if he missed an exit we would be late.... Punctuality is important to me because it shows respect.
On the other side .... what originally inspired this post.
I got mad at my dog. He is older and uses a pee pad. I gave him treats in the beginning so he knows the pee pad is where to go. But now, every time I go near it, he thinks he gets a treat and spins in circles and circles. I only give him a treat when he uses the pad but he still spins and spins when I'm near it and I guess it's that he expects something that overwhelms me. I assume this is because I can't control my environment. Or a people pleaser complex.
I assume this is why my dream is to live on land at least 20 minutes away from anyone.
And I assume this is because I had things in my childhood that were out of my control.
And I assume... that I am over compensating
If you can relate, how do you deal with this?
(I've had experience with a few meds (not anything "controlled" though), smoke, gummies, alcohol...I just want to know your experience, what worked for you?)
I don’t relate as I don’t think I’m a controlling person,I’ve been on the other end though, I was with someone controlling, I have a family member that’s controlling, it’s difficult to watch her with her family, it’s caused so many issues in her life, I’ve tried to tell her but she can’t or won’t listen.
You have to let go of expectations of others, we are all individuals that do things differently.
People are controlling primarily because they are trying to manage their own deep-seated fears, anxieties, or feelings of powerlessness. By manipulating situations or people, they create a false sense of certainty and safety.While controlling behaviors exist on a spectrum, they typically stem from a few core psychological drivers:Anxiety and Fear: Many controllers have a constant underlying tension and fear that things will go wrong if they don't intervene. The unknown terrifies them, so they manage others to reduce their own nervous system's stress.Trauma and Unpredictability: People who grew up in chaotic, unstable, or highly critical environments often learn to control their surroundings as a survival mechanism to ensure their own safety and avoid pain.Perfectionism: A deep need to avoid failure or looking bad can cause people to micromanage. They believe their way is the only correct way to do things.Power and Dominance: In more extreme cases, controlling behavior is a way to exert power and mask feelings of inadequacy or low self-esteem.
